The description of 'page 3 sensation' now has new meaning. On September 17, following a hectic day at work, I was looking forward to relaxing and browsing the Gazette. I popped on my slippers, sat at the table, and smoothed out the newspaper in front of me.

How pleasing to see a little girl gracing the front page, accompanied by a feel-good headline, ‘Born Survivor’. I started to read of Nellie Mae's battles and how she has overcome many hardships. Residual work stress slipped into insignificance as I was awed by her courage.

Feeling uplifted, I turned the page but, immediately, my pleasure did a Scooby-Doo style about-turn. There, on my kitchen table, I came face-to-face with an 8” x 4” close-up of a ‘false widow spider’.

Repulsion and adrenalin pelted through me. The beast pictured even had ‘elbows’ and hairy legs. Furthermore, its predatory eyes were spying me from the page. Here was the arachnid version of Usain Bolt - strapping, long-legged, athletic, and ready to sprint.

I lifted my feet from the floor, hunched my shoulders, shuddered, and involuntarily yelped as my face twisted in angst. It's not real, I pacified myself. Bravely, I ventured on, forcing myself to study the article – what if there were something about this enemy I needed to know?

Blinkered by fear, the only words I could see were ‘beware’, ‘bulbous body’, ‘biting’, and then, ‘colonise’ ,‘venomous’, ‘warning’, and ‘homes in Cumbria’. Then, two more photographs – another false widow spider, and the damage one can inflict on a human.

To eradicate notes of nausea playing through me, I flicked to the County Show coverage.Then I ate dinner, did chores, and listened to the radio. Nothing worked.

All evening, I kept leaping and screeching at the sight of false false widow spiders. They were everywhere; a green top off a tomato in the kitchen sink, a blob of black fluff on the stairs and ‘a laundry spider’ – the tangled collective of hair often found among clothes at the end of a machine wash cycle.

Could the Gazette reserve these sorts of terrifying articles for Halloween? I went to sleep destined for nightmares. A mosquito net for my bed is now on order, but please, no more page 3 stunners.

Ms Faith Cobaine

Kendal