AN OFFICE chair was destroyed after it was set on fire on the grassy area, off Maude Street, Kendal, this afternoon (Friday).
Comment feature available...
on story links below...
Fire crews from Kendal attended along with police.
A spokesman for the fire and rescue service said: "A delinquent set fire to an office chair in the middle of a grassy area and it was extinguished using one hose jet."
Posted by: Ben Thomas, Dubai on 9:45am Thu 1 Feb 07
This story has upset me so much i don't think i'm going to be able to sleep tonight - i work with office chairs very closely on a daily basis and they've always treated me well
and to hear stories like this makes me sick to my stomach.
This story has upset me so much i don't think i'm going to be able to sleep tonight - i work with office chairs very closely on a daily basis and they've always treated me well
and to hear stories like this makes me sick to my stomach.
Posted by: Dave Kenyon, Lancaster on 10:27am Thu 1 Feb 07
My thoughts go out to all the friends and family of said chair. Such a tragic waste of plastic and foam. I hope the police/MI5/interpol/CTU fing the culprits and throw away the key. Truly shocking.
My thoughts go out to all the friends and family of said chair. Such a tragic waste of plastic and foam. I hope the police/MI5/interpol/CTU fing the culprits and throw away the key. Truly shocking.
Posted by: Anon, Lancaster on 11:54am Thu 1 Feb 07
I've spent the best years of my life hand crafting chairs for offices. To think that somebody believes their 'bent back' problems were caused by a chair is madness. Mr Bell, may I sugggest a softer mattress and perhaps some anger management classes. Fool.
I've spent the best years of my life hand crafting chairs for offices. To think that somebody believes their 'bent back' problems were caused by a chair is madness. Mr Bell, may I sugggest a softer mattress and perhaps some anger management classes. Fool.
Please see the equally crazy story the other side of the Pennines...
[URL=http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/search/display.var.1115631.0.dearing_family_unhappy_with_tesco_after_trolley_damages_car.php]http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/[/URL]
(Thanks Becky for your inspiration)x
Please see the equally crazy story the other side of the Pennines... http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/
(Thanks Becky for your inspiration)x
Posted by: Steve Piers, Lancaster on 6:10pm Thu 1 Feb 07
The chair knew the risks. Gang Warfare in Kendal is rife, and when you choose a side, you gotta be down with the risks. This was a declaration of war by the Standard Lamp Posse of Kendal. No-one messes with Lamps, Bo.
The chair knew the risks. Gang Warfare in Kendal is rife, and when you choose a side, you gotta be down with the risks. This was a declaration of war by the Standard Lamp Posse of Kendal. No-one messes with Lamps, Bo.
Posted by: Derek Bowyer, Lancaster on 8:33pm Thu 1 Feb 07
I think it high time the Westmorland Gazette had something newsworthy to print: perhaps a drowned shopping trolley in the Kent or a discarded piece of mint cake found on the cobbled streets of Kendal.
I think it high time the Westmorland Gazette had something newsworthy to print: perhaps a drowned shopping trolley in the Kent or a discarded piece of mint cake found on the cobbled streets of Kendal.
Posted by: Elton Welsby, 401-331 on 10:49pm Thu 1 Feb 07
This story has affected me so much that I decided to compose a poem to vent my anguish..
Chair, Chair - over there?
Chair, Chair - on fire!
Chavs and Younglings everywhere.
His cells have the highest concentration of
midi-chlorians I have seen in a life form
This story has affected me so much that I decided to compose a poem to vent my anguish..
Chair, Chair - over there?
Chair, Chair - on fire!
Chavs and Younglings everywhere.
His cells have the highest concentration of
midi-chlorians I have seen in a life form
Posted by: Nick, Chesterfield on 3:03pm Fri 2 Feb 07
Living somewhere associated (nominally anyway) with the easy life of sofas and cushions, my heart goes out to this poor, less fortunate sat upon item. Heartless thugs! Have they no chairity? One day, when they are old and bent and in need of a chair, no matter how hard and ugly it may be, they'll look back on this wickedness of theirs and weep.
Living somewhere associated (nominally anyway) with the easy life of sofas and cushions, my heart goes out to this poor, less fortunate sat upon item. Heartless thugs! Have they no chairity? One day, when they are old and bent and in need of a chair, no matter how hard and ugly it may be, they'll look back on this wickedness of theirs and weep.
Posted by: Andrew Daniels, Kendal on 3:34pm Fri 2 Feb 07
I'm the journalist "who's got to start somewhere" and as you can see it's turned out to be a very popular story.
It's nice of you all to have taken up so much of your time to comment and it's turned out to be the talk of the newsroom!
If only all my stories generated this much feedback and interest!
I'm the journalist "who's got to start somewhere" and as you can see it's turned out to be a very popular story.
It's nice of you all to have taken up so much of your time to comment and it's turned out to be the talk of the newsroom!
If only all my stories generated this much feedback and interest!
Posted by: Ellie Hargreaves, Wezzy Gezzy on 3:40pm Fri 2 Feb 07
I am a colleague of Andrew Daniels, he of the infamous throne story, and I must say I am touched that his account has generated such passion among our readers. To prompt a poem is great. Andrew, you are a worthy muse.
I am a colleague of Andrew Daniels, he of the infamous throne story, and I must say I am touched that his account has generated such passion among our readers. To prompt a poem is great. Andrew, you are a worthy muse.
Have the police found the identity of the chair-burner as I'd like to get in touch with him/her. There are some chairs in our office that could do with his attention.
Have the police found the identity of the chair-burner as I'd like to get in touch with him/her. There are some chairs in our office that could do with his attention.
We’ve been forced into cancelling the field trial of our prototype “Haemorrhoid Relief Chair” due to a batch of faulty heater elements from China. (R.Soul Chairs UK Ltd.)
We’ve been forced into cancelling the field trial of our prototype “Haemorrhoid Relief Chair” due to a batch of faulty heater elements from China. (R.Soul Chairs UK Ltd.)
Posted by: becky, lancaster on 4:12pm Sat 3 Feb 07
Dear Andrew!! I have sent this link to all my friends who have obviously started to spread the word on it's importance. If you write anymore gripping stories such as this please draw them to our attention. Also, just wondering, but are you actually new and "have to start somewhere"? And did you visit the scene of the 'crime'?? Was the chair horribly mutilated from the fire? Did looking at it make you ill?
Avid fan, Becky
Dear Andrew!! I have sent this link to all my friends who have obviously started to spread the word on it's importance. If you write anymore gripping stories such as this please draw them to our attention. Also, just wondering, but are you actually new and "have to start somewhere"? And did you visit the scene of the 'crime'?? Was the chair horribly mutilated from the fire? Did looking at it make you ill?
Posted by: chair lover, cheese land on 9:04am Mon 5 Feb 07
this wicked act of vandalism is awful, i mean there are lots of us who love chairs. i think a vandal should be burnt and see how he likes it. think about it there are people who love chairs that infact do nothing other then sitting in chairs becoming fat and lazy, i stand for these people. people have rights, why don't chairs. don't forget chairs are people too they have feelings.
this wicked act of vandalism is awful, i mean there are lots of us who love chairs. i think a vandal should be burnt and see how he likes it. think about it there are people who love chairs that infact do nothing other then sitting in chairs becoming fat and lazy, i stand for these people. people have rights, why don't chairs. don't forget chairs are people too they have feelings.
Posted by: Chairman, Yorkshire ...E bah gum! on 9:13am Mon 5 Feb 07
It was an Electric Chair and came from one of Americas top prisons, so sad it should self combust in Kendal.
Electric chair? That reminds me...
A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.
He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.
"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"
The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.
"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."
The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.
The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the
chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.
Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.
"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.
"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you
can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he asked.
Nahh" said the bloke,
"I'm just a really bad conductor"
It was an Electric Chair and came from one of Americas top prisons, so sad it should self combust in Kendal.
Electric chair? That reminds me...
A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.
He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.
"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"
The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.
"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."
The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.
The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the
chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.
Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.
"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.
"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you
can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he asked.
Posted by: Dave Kenyon, Lancaster on 12:27pm Mon 5 Feb 07
I would like to advise all of the affected people who have written in so affectionatley, that the funeral for 'Chair' will be held on Sunday 11th Feb at Kendal C.O.E. Church at 1pm. Wake details to follow. Any donations to the press office.
I would like to advise all of the affected people who have written in so affectionatley, that the funeral for 'Chair' will be held on Sunday 11th Feb at Kendal C.O.E. Church at 1pm. Wake details to follow. Any donations to the press office.
Posted by: Whatever, Cheshire on 12:55pm Mon 5 Feb 07
Despite all the jokes and fun everyone is having at the expense of this chair can I ask one important question - Was there a racial element to this unprovoked attack? Did this chair have the right to work in this country or was it an illegal immigrant? I think there needs to be some sort of investigation into the wider implications of this attack.
Despite all the jokes and fun everyone is having at the expense of this chair can I ask one important question - Was there a racial element to this unprovoked attack? Did this chair have the right to work in this country or was it an illegal immigrant? I think there needs to be some sort of investigation into the wider implications of this attack.
Posted by: I'm very worried about Chair's family... on 1:52pm Mon 5 Feb 07
Whatever wrote:
[quote]Despite all the jokes and fun everyone is having at the expense of this chair can I ask one important question - Was there a racial element to this unprovoked attack? Did this chair have the right to work in this country or was it an illegal immigrant? I think there needs to be some sort of investigation into the wider implications of this attack.[/quote]
Good point "Whatever". IF the chair was here illegally then he might not have been here alone. He may have bought his [bold]Bench and Stools[/bold] over with him. Who's looking after [bold]them[/bold] now? [bold]They[/bold] might be too scared to come forward.
Whatever wrote:
Despite all the jokes and fun everyone is having at the expense of this chair can I ask one important question - Was there a racial element to this unprovoked attack? Did this chair have the right to work in this country or was it an illegal immigrant? I think there needs to be some sort of investigation into the wider implications of this attack.
Good point "Whatever". IF the chair was here illegally then he might not have been here alone. He may have bought his Bench and Stools over with him. Who's looking after them now? They might be too scared to come forward.
Posted by: Legislation required?, Westminster on 12:57pm Tue 6 Feb 07
This type of atrocity has only been able to happen since the "[italic]Chair[/italic] in the Community" legislation was passed in the late 1980s, before that time Chairs would have been cared for indoors, not forced to walk the streets.
This type of atrocity has only been able to happen since the "Chair in the Community" legislation was passed in the late 1980s, before that time Chairs would have been cared for indoors, not forced to walk the streets.
Posted by: Andrew Daniels, Kendal on 5:05pm Tue 6 Feb 07
At first glance I thought I had done all that was necessary to cover this story but after all this interest I'm going to see if I can locate the chair and put all this speculation to bed - hopefully if I find the chair it won't make my feel ill.
I did have to start somewhere but something like this is too big a story for a new starter. It takes years of experience to generate so much interest in what at first seemed an innocuous story.
Becky, if you were an avid fan I would have expected you to have read many of my thrilling stories.
Classics include changes to seating arrangements at town council meetings (chairs again!) and the number of hanging baskets to be put up around Windermere.
We've even had a story on broken glass in Kirkby Stephen.
At first glance I thought I had done all that was necessary to cover this story but after all this interest I'm going to see if I can locate the chair and put all this speculation to bed - hopefully if I find the chair it won't make my feel ill.
I did have to start somewhere but something like this is too big a story for a new starter. It takes years of experience to generate so much interest in what at first seemed an innocuous story.
Becky, if you were an avid fan I would have expected you to have read many of my thrilling stories.
Classics include changes to seating arrangements at town council meetings (chairs again!) and the number of hanging baskets to be put up around Windermere.
We've even had a story on broken glass in Kirkby Stephen.
Posted by: becky, lancaster on 9:50am Wed 7 Feb 07
Andrew - I must admit, I was not previously an avid fan, in fact I only noticed this story as I was part of another recent story in this newspaper. However, after this stunning piece of journalism I am of course now an avid fan and will seek out your work in the future.
Broken glass in Kirby Stephen?? What is the world coming to.
Andrew - I must admit, I was not previously an avid fan, in fact I only noticed this story as I was part of another recent story in this newspaper. However, after this stunning piece of journalism I am of course now an avid fan and will seek out your work in the future.
Broken glass in Kirby Stephen?? What is the world coming to.
Posted by: J Wheel, Bearsden on 6:56pm Thu 8 Feb 07
I was shocked that the Lake District appears to be experiencing a crime wave of wanton vandalism. My lady wife and I have enjoyed our caravanning visit to the Lakes, but reports like this have really made us wonder whether we should make any future visits. Can't something be done about it?
I was shocked that the Lake District appears to be experiencing a crime wave of wanton vandalism. My lady wife and I have enjoyed our caravanning visit to the Lakes, but reports like this have really made us wonder whether we should make any future visits. Can't something be done about it?
Posted by: R.Herring, Kendal on 7:51pm Thu 8 Feb 07
[quote][bold]Product Recall[/bold] wrote:
We’ve been forced into cancelling the field trial of our prototype “Haemorrhoid Relief Chair” due to a batch of faulty heater elements from China. (R.Soul Chairs UK Ltd.) [/quote] 88 Maude St.
Kendal.
To the Development Manager, (R.Soul Chairs UK Ltd.)
Ref your heated chair (model HRC Mk1).
Dear Sir,
your product recall came too late... I’d just got back from Weightwatchers the other Friday afternoon and sat on my new chair to watch Countdown. As the clock ticked down on the first numbers game I noticed that the seat was becoming extremely warm. When the adverts came on I tried to get up to make a brew and there was a bang and a flash and the seat caught fire.
Luckily I managed to put myself out with a 2Ltr. bottle of Diet Coke but was unable to save the chair (I unplugged it and pushed it outside onto a grassy area and sent for ‘t fire brigade!).
Anyway, no worries, the doctor says the burns are only superficial and the bandages will be off by the end of the week.
Is there any chance you could send me some money (say £200) to cover the cost of a replacement chair and a pair of trousers.
yours hopefully,
R.Herring
ps A reporter from the Gazette has been sniffing around, so send the money asap or he gets the full story.. ‘warts and all’.
Product Recall wrote:
We’ve been forced into cancelling the field trial of our prototype “Haemorrhoid Relief Chair” due to a batch of faulty heater elements from China. (R.Soul Chairs UK Ltd.)
88 Maude St.
Kendal.
To the Development Manager, (R.Soul Chairs UK Ltd.)
Ref your heated chair (model HRC Mk1).
Dear Sir,
your product recall came too late... I’d just got back from Weightwatchers the other Friday afternoon and sat on my new chair to watch Countdown. As the clock ticked down on the first numbers game I noticed that the seat was becoming extremely warm. When the adverts came on I tried to get up to make a brew and there was a bang and a flash and the seat caught fire.
Luckily I managed to put myself out with a 2Ltr. bottle of Diet Coke but was unable to save the chair (I unplugged it and pushed it outside onto a grassy area and sent for ‘t fire brigade!).
Anyway, no worries, the doctor says the burns are only superficial and the bandages will be off by the end of the week.
Is there any chance you could send me some money (say £200) to cover the cost of a replacement chair and a pair of trousers.
yours hopefully,
R.Herring
ps A reporter from the Gazette has been sniffing around, so send the money asap or he gets the full story.. ‘warts and all’.
Posted by: Ellis Butcher, Kendal on 7:55pm Thu 8 Feb 07
To be read in the style of Columbo:
"You find me der body dat was sitting in dat chair...you got yourself a moyder!"
Someone start a best headline competition!
Chair-iots of fire
Hot Desking in Kendal
To be read in the style of Columbo:
"You find me der body dat was sitting in dat chair...you got yourself a moyder!"
Posted by: Henry Snurd, London on 8:35pm Thu 8 Feb 07
Thank you so much for running this story. My family and I cried when we read of the cruel fate of this chair; this has a very special meaning for me. As a child I was abandoned by my biological parents and brought up by a chair very similar to this one. To me it was mother and father combined. Never was there a kindlier and more loving parent than my chair; I remember one freezing winter it pawned its castors to buy me a coat for school.
This fate of this chair is nothing less than murder. Did those animals who took its life realise how its family must be grieving right now?
My many thanks to the people of your area who have provided this poor thing with a decent burial.
Thank you so much for running this story. My family and I cried when we read of the cruel fate of this chair; this has a very special meaning for me. As a child I was abandoned by my biological parents and brought up by a chair very similar to this one. To me it was mother and father combined. Never was there a kindlier and more loving parent than my chair; I remember one freezing winter it pawned its castors to buy me a coat for school.
This fate of this chair is nothing less than murder. Did those animals who took its life realise how its family must be grieving right now?
My many thanks to the people of your area who have provided this poor thing with a decent burial.
Posted by: Dibble of the Yard, Scotland Yard on 8:49pm Thu 8 Feb 07
I've been tracking this story for some days now. I would like to thank the good people of.... urm.... 'there'... yes, thats it, 'there'... for their efforts in bringing it to my attention.
I have reason to believe that this chair may have been involved in an arm robbery, in fact possibly two arm robberies. Only by the seat of it pants did it escape the last time.... it looks however that we may be too late to apprehend it... as I was looking forward to telling it to swivel when it applied for bail.
I've been tracking this story for some days now. I would like to thank the good people of.... urm.... 'there'... yes, thats it, 'there'... for their efforts in bringing it to my attention.
I have reason to believe that this chair may have been involved in an arm robbery, in fact possibly two arm robberies. Only by the seat of it pants did it escape the last time.... it looks however that we may be too late to apprehend it... as I was looking forward to telling it to swivel when it applied for bail.
Posted by: Gilbert O'Sullivan, Hollywood on 1:15am Fri 9 Feb 07
With apologies to Gilbert O'Sullivan, to the tune of 'Clare'.....
Chair. The moment I met you, I swear.
I felt as if something, somewhere,
had happened to me, which I couldn't see.
And then, the moment I met you, again.
I knew in my heart that we were friends.
It had to be so, it couldn't be no.
But try as hard as I might do, I don't know why.
You get to me in a way I can't describe.
Words mean so little when you look up and smile.
I don't care what people say, to me you're more than a stool.
Oh Chair. Chair ...
With apologies to Gilbert O'Sullivan, to the tune of 'Clare'.....
Chair. The moment I met you, I swear.
I felt as if something, somewhere,
had happened to me, which I couldn't see.
And then, the moment I met you, again.
I knew in my heart that we were friends.
It had to be so, it couldn't be no.
But try as hard as I might do, I don't know why.
You get to me in a way I can't describe.
Words mean so little when you look up and smile.
I don't care what people say, to me you're more than a stool.
Posted by: Elizabeth Anderson, Doncaster Victoria Australia on 7:41am Fri 9 Feb 07
How far bad news travels...we in Australia salute you chair, we are all "bush" fired up and burning mad that this type of thing happens to our four legged friend.
How far bad news travels...we in Australia salute you chair, we are all "bush" fired up and burning mad that this type of thing happens to our four legged friend.
Well thank goodness for this website! Being away from Kendal always makes me worry about the news I might be missing out on... ooh I may have to get in my car and drive home to visit the scene of the crime. Or not
Well thank goodness for this website! Being away from Kendal always makes me worry about the news I might be missing out on... ooh I may have to get in my car and drive home to visit the scene of the crime. Or not
Posted by: Popular Futon Front, Sweden on 10:47am Fri 9 Feb 07
We, the Popular Futon Front are contacting you to claim responsibility for the murder of the chair in Kendal on Friday, January 26
We did tip off the police prior to the horrific murder to let them know of our vicious intentions, but alas they did not take our warning seriously
The chair squealed like a pig
We will shortly be posting the stomach-turning video on the internet, most likely You Tube, and set it to music (probably Fire Starter by The Prodigy)
More will follow in numerous locations across South Lakeland unless our primary demand is accepted
We want chairs to be replaced by futons in all offices across the South Lakeland
We believe that futons offer a more relaxing alternative to chairs
Futons are much more versatile than these rigid creations and give people the option to sit, slouch or sleep
We also think that futons play an important role in keeping the Swedish furniture economy alive
For too long our foam packed foes have dominated the office seating market
Today Kendal, tomorrow the world!
We, the Popular Futon Front are contacting you to claim responsibility for the murder of the chair in Kendal on Friday, January 26
We did tip off the police prior to the horrific murder to let them know of our vicious intentions, but alas they did not take our warning seriously
The chair squealed like a pig
We will shortly be posting the stomach-turning video on the internet, most likely You Tube, and set it to music (probably Fire Starter by The Prodigy)
More will follow in numerous locations across South Lakeland unless our primary demand is accepted
We want chairs to be replaced by futons in all offices across the South Lakeland
We believe that futons offer a more relaxing alternative to chairs
Futons are much more versatile than these rigid creations and give people the option to sit, slouch or sleep
We also think that futons play an important role in keeping the Swedish furniture economy alive
For too long our foam packed foes have dominated the office seating market
Posted by: J Wheel, Bearsden on 12:52pm Fri 9 Feb 07
http://poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4572
The mists of an earlier time, of myth and saga
Swirl down from Cunswick Scar to Helsfell
The dull gleam of helmet and tempered metal
Just a fleeting glimpse, a feeling, a shudder.
They found you, between this life and the next
One hose was all that was needed
To extinguish the flame of your pyre
A vehicle once forgotten, now misunderstood.
The police did what they could
But no foul murderer should they have sought.
For you, a true hero of the office
Left, as you had lived, a Viking true
The mists of an earlier time, of myth and saga
Swirl down from Cunswick Scar to Helsfell
The dull gleam of helmet and tempered metal
Just a fleeting glimpse, a feeling, a shudder.
They found you, between this life and the next
One hose was all that was needed
To extinguish the flame of your pyre
A vehicle once forgotten, now misunderstood.
The police did what they could
But no foul murderer should they have sought.
For you, a true hero of the office
Left, as you had lived, a Viking true
Posted by: Crime Solved!, Scotland Yard on 2:41pm Fri 9 Feb 07
Evening all!
I think Mr. Maarten Baas is the culprit.
We will be taking him into [bold]custard[/bold] soon! See below for "details of the case for the prosecution"
http://www.icon-magazine.co.uk/issues/020/baas_text.htm
Another crime solved by me, Inspector Corner (of the yard)
Evening all!
I think Mr. Maarten Baas is the culprit.
We will be taking him into custard soon! See below for "details of the case for the prosecution"
Posted by: babara-ann, pompey on 3:42pm Sat 10 Feb 07
that chair was my beloved i cannot believe that someone would do such a terrible act towards my dearly beloved office chair. its too much for me to take
that chair was my beloved i cannot believe that someone would do such a terrible act towards my dearly beloved office chair. its too much for me to take
Posted by: Ross, Portsmouth on 3:47pm Sat 10 Feb 07
[quote][bold]babara-ann[/bold] wrote:
that chair was my beloved i cannot believe that someone would do such a terrible act towards my dearly beloved office chair. its too much for me to take [/quote] i think babara-ann sounds suicidal. somebody help him before he is lot as well as his chair. well they would be together again. that could be some comfort...
babara-ann wrote:
that chair was my beloved i cannot believe that someone would do such a terrible act towards my dearly beloved office chair. its too much for me to take
i think babara-ann sounds suicidal. somebody help him before he is lot as well as his chair. well they would be together again. that could be some comfort...
Posted by: Judge Eggnog Satintrousers, Up Hellvelyn With A Crow on 6:03pm Sun 11 Feb 07
My crow stated yesterday that the chair actually set itself on fire as it was a self reclining Harm Chair. The Chav mearly supplied the petrol and lighter. Thus the sentencing from my point of view is distant as the mist has set in. Bobbins
My crow stated yesterday that the chair actually set itself on fire as it was a self reclining Harm Chair. The Chav mearly supplied the petrol and lighter. Thus the sentencing from my point of view is distant as the mist has set in. Bobbins
Never mind... it' s better than 'Street Lamp goes out in Dukinfield' which once appeared in my old paper in Manchester or even 'Toast fire' where firefighters were called to a minor grill pan fire in Ashton under Lyne. Best of all was the story of a broken down helicopter waiting for repairs which carried the headline ' Giant chopper stays the night in Audenshaw" !
Never mind... it' s better than 'Street Lamp goes out in Dukinfield' which once appeared in my old paper in Manchester or even 'Toast fire' where firefighters were called to a minor grill pan fire in Ashton under Lyne. Best of all was the story of a broken down helicopter waiting for repairs which carried the headline ' Giant chopper stays the night in Audenshaw" !
Posted by: Prenderghast Snoopswigger III, Bournemouth on 2:37pm Mon 12 Feb 07
This is a terrible tragedy. I have no idea where "Westmorland" is, but rest assured I shall no longer be letting any of my chairs visit that lawless expanse.
This is a terrible tragedy. I have no idea where "Westmorland" is, but rest assured I shall no longer be letting any of my chairs visit that lawless expanse.
Posted by: Shaun Hunter, London, St Petersburg Russia on 11:22am Tue 13 Feb 07
I have to say not much has changed in the 17 years since i left. People still set chairs on fire and it still gets in the news. It makes a change from "A bull escaped form market on Monday" though.
I have to say not much has changed in the 17 years since i left. People still set chairs on fire and it still gets in the news. It makes a change from "A bull escaped form market on Monday" though.
Posted by: Jon Smith, Darlington on 11:44am Tue 13 Feb 07
As Andrew Daniels' tutor during his preparation for journalism exams, I am proud to see that he has fully absorbed all we had to teach him about news values. A lesson to us all.
As Andrew Daniels' tutor during his preparation for journalism exams, I am proud to see that he has fully absorbed all we had to teach him about news values. A lesson to us all.
Posted by: The chair, heaven on 5:15pm Tue 13 Feb 07
i bet the vandle wont know what i have been going through since the attack. i wasnt doing anthing wrong. i was an old office chair waiting to go into my retirment home (also known at the dump) and the horrable vandle attacked me. it was so painful. but now i am in a better place. nothing can heart me now... i hope. i can only hope that the vandle gets what he deserves
i bet the vandle wont know what i have been going through since the attack. i wasnt doing anthing wrong. i was an old office chair waiting to go into my retirment home (also known at the dump) and the horrable vandle attacked me. it was so painful. but now i am in a better place. nothing can heart me now... i hope. i can only hope that the vandle gets what he deserves
Posted by: a devistated chair lover, Kendal on 5:58pm Tue 13 Feb 07
my sympathys go out to the family of the chair. the story has devistated me so much i will have to cry myself to sleep tonight. the vandles that did this act are the future. the country will be ruined.
my sympathys go out to the family of the chair. the story has devistated me so much i will have to cry myself to sleep tonight. the vandles that did this act are the future. the country will be ruined.
Yes, just one amongst a number of recent chair crimes. They do seems to be on the increase.
In Liverpool recently a secretary left her chair unattended for a matter of minutes, on returning she found the casters had been removed and replaced by four bricks.
Yes, just one amongst a number of recent chair crimes. They do seems to be on the increase.
In Liverpool recently a secretary left her chair unattended for a matter of minutes, on returning she found the casters had been removed and replaced by four bricks.
Posted by: becky, lancaster on 1:44pm Wed 14 Feb 07
Suspended? I don't think so!
Anyway why would the Westmorland Gazette want to shut down the comments on this - surely the website is getting more hits than ever...
I've got an idea for a story - Andrew pay attention...
"Story about chair on fire sparks national interest" - surely a story about lots of strange people getting together online is better than the orginal?? (no offence to the chair) - I would be happy to do an interview... :) maybe a nice picture of our hero andrew too??
becky
Suspended? I don't think so!
Anyway why would the Westmorland Gazette want to shut down the comments on this - surely the website is getting more hits than ever...
I've got an idea for a story - Andrew pay attention...
"Story about chair on fire sparks national interest" - surely a story about lots of strange people getting together online is better than the orginal?? (no offence to the chair) - I would be happy to do an interview... :) maybe a nice picture of our hero andrew too??
Posted by: Ellie Hargreaves, The Westmorland Gazette on 2:28pm Wed 14 Feb 07
Avid fan Becky, if you would like to see a picture of my esteemed colleague Andrew Daniels - he of chair fame - you can do so by clicking on the following link http://www.thewestmorlandgazette.co.uk/sport/kendalblogfootie/
enjoy...
Avid fan Becky, if you would like to see a picture of my esteemed colleague Andrew Daniels - he of chair fame - you can do so by clicking on the following link http://www.thewestmorlandgazette.co.uk/sport/kendalblogfootie/
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