I need to get rid of the spaniel on my head...

MEN aren’t very good at paying compliments.

(I just heard every woman in the North West collectively sigh: “Yes. And?”)

The Fiance tried the other day but it was an epic fail.

“You look like...” he stopped, thoughtfully, assessing my face. “...like one of those dogs. The ones with long ears.”

He looked so proud of himself as he qualified: “A spaniel, that’s what I mean. You look like a spaniel.”

My face said it all.

“No, no!” he quickly backpedalled. “That’s a good thing! They’re cute! Because their ears look like long hair!”

The poor lad continued in this vein for several seconds as I tried desperately not to ruin my ‘stern face’ by laughing.

But he’s not alone in being spectacularly bad in this department.

I was once informed by a male friend at university that: “You’re, like, cool to hang out with, cos there’s no danger I’ll want to make a move on you.”

And my dad once said, his voice full of surprise: “Your hair...it looks nice!”

But at least with a man you know where you stand, even if their compliments feel less ‘well-thought-out’ and more ‘sledgehammer to the face’.

Women, on the other hand, are a completely different kettle of two-faced fish.

Women will tell you they like your dress/hair/’the way you deliberately chose your bag so it wouldn’t match your shoes’ - and all you know is that they could have meant something completely different.

This is one of the subtle differences between the sexes.

A man will tell you that he doesn’t like your green dress, but ‘the blue one you wore last week looked hot!’

A woman will tell you she loves your green dress - and she’ll add, with a smile: “And isn’t it great that you can pull off an outfit that no-one else would think to wear!”

Now, if you don’t mind, we’re going to have to leave it here.

I’ve got an appointment with my hairdresser to see what can be done about the spaniel that’s appeared on my head.

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