EVERY time I've moved house I've sworn I'll never do it again because quite frankly I'm just not organised enough.

I start 'sorting' too late, I never remember to hire more than a medium-sized van and I always seem to think I can pack 'as I go along'.

I wish I could say this time was different...

The Big Move began on Tuesday, so obviously the packing began on Monday. At about midnight.

When I left for work on The Big Day (I'm not stupid - I know when to get out of the way) none of the kitchen stuff had been touched yet.

In fact all of our dinner plates were still stacked in the dishwasher...which was still waiting to be switched on.

I left a scene of carnage, punctuated by the occasional four-letter word from Smithy, who had moments earlier discovered a cupboard he'd forgotten we had.

Throughout the day I had numerous texts off him, all of which had a slightly hysterical tone to them.

"The van's still not packed!! There's no chance I'll have it back by 6pm!!!"

Then: "Why do we own so much stuff?!!!!!!"

A gap of a few minutes followed, before: "Where are all our dinner plates?????"

So next time, I really do promise I'll be a reformed character.

I'll somehow get to Aldi before they crush all their boxes (that brief but magical period of time, like when an avocado is perfectly ripe) and I'll pack leisurely over a period of weeks.

Everything will be moved easily and calmly (by removal men) and, because of my new-found organisational skills, will be unpacked within hours at the new place.

What won't happen is this: I won't be writing this column surrounded by boxes which cannot be unpacked because, although I brought all the Ikea flat pack furniture, I did not remember to pick up the screws and dowling to put it all back together.

I won't forget all the curtains so that Smithy has to find enough bin bags and sticky tape to cover every window in the house.

And I will not find myself serving spaghetti Bolognese in cereal bowls because the dinner plates have yet to be retrieved.

Still, as Smithy optimistically pointed out, at least we made sure the important things were covered.

Although we have nothing to sit on and no cutlery, the Playstation has been unpacked and set up and I've managed to locate the Christmas chocolate oranges.

And next time I really will do better, I promise...