THERE are several reasons I hate going to the dentist.
Namely: needles, pain, bright lights, pain, claustrophobia-inducing small rooms, pain, the dribble as your anaesthetic wears off...
The list goes on and very much includes pain.
Even if the above doesn’t happen at every appointment (or even at all – I’m proud to say I’ve gone three decades without having a single filling) the fear is enough to cause sweaty palms and a racing heart – and that’s just when you get your appointment letter.
Because – and here’s the crux of the problem – sometimes I'm not quiet sure where I stand with dentists.
They’re invariably lovely people; masters at making their nervous patients feel at ease, with kindly smiles and soft voices, listing what they can see in your mouth in tones that could send you to sleep.
But the problem is a dentist’s calm demeanour never falters, even when they’re delivering the news you least want to hear. And that makes me feel slightly uneasy.
For example: “I’ll just have a quick look, if you’ll lie back. Yep, lovely stuff. Lovely jubbly.”
Then, in the same soft tone: “Okay, so your wisdom teeth are a ticking time bomb and I think we’ll have to take all four out. They’re a bit tricky though so we’ll have to remove a bit of your jaw bone to get at them. Just a little bit though. All in all, lovely stuff!”
This is, word-for-word, a conversation I had with a dentist before Christmas.
Lulled into a false sense of security at her soothing tone, it took a few seconds to process what she’d said.
At that point I leapt up from her chair, sending the mandatory comedy glasses flying across the room, and almost head-butting her unconscious in the rush to get my jaw bone out of her gentle grip.
Now I’m living in a state of constant dread, the days of my wisdom teeth numbered.
The only plus side is that my dentist – a kind, sympathetic woman, let’s not forget – noted my panicked expression and immediately set about trying to make me feel better.
I’ve never in my life been so relieved to hear the words ‘general anaesthetic’ – especially said in such a soothing way.– especially said in such a soothing way.