When news happens, text KENEWS and your photos and videos to 80360. Or contact us by email or phone.
THE WAR BEGINS
I had a letter from George Osborne last week. You know, the shiny-faced Chancellor of the Exchequer wannabe. This was shortly followed by a letter from William Hague. He is apparently no longer a failed Prime Minister but is now Shadow Foreign Secretary, responsible for acting a bit cross when the real one does something he doesn't like.
As jet-setting international cartoonist, I receive letters from the great and influential all the time. After last year’s Copenhagen Climate Conference, in response to posting a message on his website, I got a friendly email from the governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger. "My fellow Californian," it began, which I took to be a term of endearment. It was a really thoughtful touch and made me want to watch The Terminator all over again.
George Osborne's letter was less exciting and, to be frank, a bit vague (which is entirely appropriate as most of us are a bit vague about him). There was some stuff about the economy and balance of payments deficit, none of which I bothered to read. He finished by asking which person I would rather see as Prime Minister - Gordon Brown or Big Dave Cameron?
He’d written Nick Clegg out of the race before it had even begun.
A dramatic surge causing the LibDems to sweep to government is bordering on the unlikely but it would have been kinder to at least pretend there was a possibility. We may get a hung parliament, in which case they’ll have to take turns like on Have I Got News For You (as long as Brian Blessed isn’t one of them).
I suspect Shiny George had baser motives. He was hoping I’d panic and forget about my LibDem candidate, Tim Thing, and thereby vote for the Tory one, Gareth McGareth. Yes, the election has come to South Lakeland. Oh hurrah.
A golden host of LibDem signs has already sprung up throughout the area: “Tim, the local choice”, “Tim - winning here” “Hurrah for Tim!” and “God sacrificed his only Tim for Mankind.” (I may have got that one a bit muddled over Easter).
Tory signs are less obvious. I have seen one for Gareth McGareth but it was alongside a bigger one for Beatlemania and I couldn’t tell if the two were connected. We could all end up voting for Ringo instead.