I walk as much as possible, use public transport whenever I can and drive my car as necessary.

However, I am going to get a bicycle so that I can ride the wrong way in one-way roads, go through any red traffic/pedestrian light I see, ride through pedestrian-only areas and on pavements (even those parallel to marked cycle lanes) and verbally abuse any pedestrians who dare get in my way.

I will then take to footpaths and bridleways where I can skim past walkers as closely as possible, preferably spraying them with muddy water as I go and anyone with a baby buggy or dog on a lead should just watch out.

I shall of course ignore ‘cyclists dismount’ signs.

My apologies to those few responsible cyclists who are out there somewhere.

Sue Thomas

Bowness