Fiona Caine - Trained counsellor Fiona Caine offers her perspective on family dramas, emotional issues and dysfunctional relationships


My boyfriend is a really lovely man and we’ve now been together for about a year.

Obviously, seeing each other over the past few months has been difficult, but our relationship has grown and I’ve fallen in love with him.

He has suggested – without pressuring me – that he’d like to take our relationship to the next level.

He wants to sleep with me, and to be honest, I want to sleep with him too.

The thing is, I’ve not told him about an accident I had when I was young.

I pulled a pan of boiling water over myself and I have dreadful burn scars across my shoulder, chest and stomach.

The virus has made it easier to deflect him so far – but I am not sure he will be patient for much longer.

I am certain that once he sees these scars, he’ll go right off me and I’ll lose him.

My nan says I should just tell him and that it shouldn’t put him off me, if he really cares.

Is she right? Should I just tell him?


I’m definitely with your nan on this one.

I know you are worried about losing your boyfriend, but sooner or later, if he stays, he is going to see your scars.

The longer you delay telling him, the more anxiety you are creating for yourself – and he could end up worrying too.

He might be so relieved when he realises the fact you’ve been deflecting him is nothing to do with him that he won’t even care about your scars.

Explain how you got the burns and that you’ve avoided telling him so far because you were concerned he might leave you.

You need to be ready for the possibility that he may be a little shocked at first, but please don’t take this to mean that he is necessarily rejecting you.

He may simply need some time to get used to what he’s seeing.

You may well have heard of Katie Piper, who has significant scars from an acid attack.

She has overcome this, found a loving partner and gone on to have children.

She has also started the Katie Piper Foundation (, which is committed to helping people with scars to build, among other things, their sense of wellbeing.

I suspect you would benefit from talking to people who can understand your concerns – especially people who have been through what you’re going though now.

Accepting a person for who they are, not for what they look like, is a sign of maturity, compassion and empathy.

These are things to be valued in any relationship.

Hopefully, your boyfriend will have these qualities, and when you tell him, he will see you, not your scars.

If he cannot do that though, then perhaps he is too immature for a serious relationship anyway, in which case, you would probably be better off without him anyway in the long run.

However, if he genuinely cares for you – and is worthy of you – then I’m sure this won’t happen.


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