THERE was a major exercise on Windermere this week to see how the emergency services would cope with a disaster on the lake.

I only hope that it was more realistic than a similar one held around 15 years ago.

"It is being kept an absolute secret," my friend who worked on the Windermere steamers told me adding: "But if you get to Lakeside by 10am I will get you aboard so that you can get a first hand report."

As we steamed up the lake we learned that the scenario was to be that the steamer we were on had had a boiler explosion somewhere in the north lake.

A radio mayday was put out and we began throwing straw dummies into the lake to simulate casualties.

Some secret the whole thing turned out to be.

The first straw man had hardly hit the water before a couple of ambulances and fire engine could be seen on the shoreline at Low Wood.

The police launch, which used to spend most of its life in the boathouse on a normal day arrived in three minutes flat, closely followed by the lake warden's boat, which only just beat a team of Wray Castle cadets who must have started rowing out in their gig to give assistance at least 10 minutes before the SOS went out.

It was just as well it wasn't a real disaster for the high-speed arrival of the lake wardens' boat left a spectacular wake of churned up water and flying straw as the propeller sliced the victims' into easy recoverable chunks.

I was amused to hear the man who organised the latest spectacular complain that the exercise did not go as well as expected because some of the casualties overacted and were not as co-operative with the rescuers as had been expected.

From which I deduce that in a real emergency everything will be well providing the victims are compliant and don't panic some hopes!

LET THEM SPEAK South Lakeland District Council has suspended three officers while a £1 million anomaly in the council's finances is investigated.

It is unusual, and to my mind a little disturbing, that all 51 councillors have been issued with formal notes about what they can and cannot say to the public on the matter.

I, and I suspect most other people, would like our councillors to answer our questions openly and honestly when they come round knocking on the door begging for re-election over the next few weeks, without being gagged by such officers who are still in post inside South Lakeland House.

HANDY HAULAGE STUCK in the usual Kendal traffic jam, Janet Horne was amused to see a truck with portaloos in the adjacent lane.

"At last they have recognised that hold-ups are too long for some people to wait," she said.

WORKING IT OUT GAZETTE photographer Mark Harrison was taking pictures at the North West Association of Body Builders competition.

As soon as he arrived officials wanted to know if he was there to enter the novice category.

Now slightly-built Mark hardly looks the body-builder type, but I would have thought that the fact that he was not smothered from head to foot in bright orange fake tan would have also have given them a clue that he was not a competitor.