I’m not known as a fan of Restoration comedy, but must admit to liking that wonderfully comical character Mrs Malaprop in Richard Sheridan’s 18th Century play, The Rivals.

For those unacquainted with the old dear, she is renowned in theatrical history for Malapropisms - the misuse of words that sound like the words intended but which mean something completely different.

For example, Sheridan has Mrs Malaprop issuing little gems like ‘pineapple of politeness’ when she intends to say ‘pinnacle of politeness’ and ‘it gives me the hydrostatics’ when she actually means ‘hysterics’.

Malapropisms, of course, are still heard today and they can be quite amusing. The one downside, perhaps, is the embarrassment caused to the person who utters one.

But this would only be so if the Malapropee (the person to whom the Malapropism is addressed) actually took the trouble to explain to the Maloproper (the issuer) that he or she had, in fact, Malaproped.

There is another famous ‘ism’ – the one associated with the Rev William Archibald Spooner, a London cleric and academic, who uttered comical transpositions such as: “The Lord is a shoving leopard”, “It is kisstomary to cuss the bride” and “You have hissed all my mystery lectures”.

But while both Spoonerisms and Malapropisms have their rightful place in the amusing annals of the English language, it is Mrs Malaprop’s linguistic loopiness that has the comic edge for me.

Here are several examples from more recent times.

Overheard in a pub: “I had dodgy chicken for lunch and it’s given me semolina poisoning.”

Wife on subject of DIY: “I’ve asked my husband to fix a dildo rail round the living room wall.”

And this gem overheard at a garden centre: “Our Doris bought a clitoris here last year. She’s training it to grow up the side of her house.”