Colin Shelbourn

The general election is hotting up. On Wednesday night we had the first of the televised Leader Debates (in which 16.6% of the Leaders failed to turn up).

The wall between Israel and Palestine is 723 kilometres of barbed wire, concrete and armed sentry posts. You’d have to be mad to consider walking it.

The South Lakes continues to attract some excellent stand-up comedians and Barrow recently saw one of the best.

Another spectacular, carefully-planned shambles from Count Arthur Strong.

It’s 11pm on 6th May. Campaigning is over. Even David (“call me the Duracell Bunny”) Cameron has got to desist now. Gordon Brown can have a lie down and Nick Clegg can stop walking on water.

There is nothing better for the democratic process than watching your local parliamentary candidate squirm. Failing legalised use of tasers, the best way to do this is go to a public meeting and ask awkward questions.

Back in the heady days of the 2005 General Election, all the Westmorland and Lonsdale candidates were called Tim. This made it remarkably easy to remember their names but introduced confusion when it came to identifying which Tim was winning.