SO we seem to be getting summer in instalments. Gone are those long unbroken runs of wall-to-wall sunshine.
One day it’s the South of France, the next it’s the South Pole. The household wardrobe can’t keep up.
My bottom wardrobe drawer is a microcosm to the South Lakes ‘summer’ – waterproofs and shorts together.
Bank Holiday comes along with hot weather and I naively expose the smallest bit of flesh.
I end up with a neck that looks like it's been whipped and a red raw patch on my ankle bone. Tantastic!
I also had a dodgy stomach the night after my barbecue.
The following day, I moaned about it to next door.
‘It's only the second barbecue we’ve had this year as well’.
He dutifully volleyed a moan back: ‘We’ve only cut our grass three times.’ We both tutted. The weather is a national disgrace.
This upset stomach – it wasn’t the burgers I cooked. I know this, because I incinerate mine inside and out.
They go on as prime tender cuts and come off like Hob Nobs after a nuclear war. It’s fear that makes me cook them like that - fear of poisoning the kids.
I’m head of the barbecue. I’m in charge. I’m the fire-starter – twisted burger burner. I delegated authority for one single burger to the Mother Superior and look what happens. I end up with a summer version of the Norovirus.
We also had a disagreement.
Me: ‘Let’s get the tent out in the garden!’ Her: ‘No let’s get it out tomorrow.’ I was already up the loft.
She read out the instructions and took the lead while I (under the influence) dangerously swung long telescopic poles around and nearly put the kids’ eyes out.
The following day, we had Tent Disagreement Part Two.
Her: ‘Let’s get the tent down today.’ Me: ‘No, I want it out.’ It got taken down. I don’t like taking it down. It’s like trying to stuff a parachute in your wallet.
We’re going camping for real soon.
Forecast: Stormy.
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules here