Chair destroyed

Site of scorched chair

Site of scorched chair

First published in News by

AN OFFICE chair was destroyed after it was set on fire on the grassy area, off Maude Street, Kendal, this afternoon.

Fire crews from Kendal attended along with police.

A spokesman for the fire and rescue service said: "A delinquent set fire to an office chair in the middle of a grassy area and it was extinguished using one hose jet."

Comments (90)

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5:08pm Sat 27 Jan 07

Ian says...

Big event! Is this really newsworthy?
Big event! Is this really newsworthy? Ian
  • Score: -1

11:03am Mon 29 Jan 07

Mark Thomson says...

Must have been a very slow news day on Friday!
Must have been a very slow news day on Friday! Mark Thomson
  • Score: -1

12:49pm Tue 30 Jan 07

Jonty says...

This really is scraping the barrel!

You've got to feel sorry for the journalist who wrote it though.

I suppose everybody's got to start somewhere!

This really is scraping the barrel! You've got to feel sorry for the journalist who wrote it though. I suppose everybody's got to start somewhere! Jonty
  • Score: -1

9:33am Thu 1 Feb 07

becky says...

Chair destroyed????

Can it be??

A fire crew AND police sent to the scene of the crime? Good use of public money there.....
Chair destroyed???? Can it be?? A fire crew AND police sent to the scene of the crime? Good use of public money there..... becky
  • Score: 0

9:45am Thu 1 Feb 07

Ben Thomas says...

This story has upset me so much i don't think i'm going to be able to sleep tonight - i work with office chairs very closely on a daily basis and they've always treated me well
and to hear stories like this makes me sick to my stomach.
This story has upset me so much i don't think i'm going to be able to sleep tonight - i work with office chairs very closely on a daily basis and they've always treated me well and to hear stories like this makes me sick to my stomach. Ben Thomas
  • Score: 4

10:27am Thu 1 Feb 07

Dave Kenyon says...

My thoughts go out to all the friends and family of said chair. Such a tragic waste of plastic and foam. I hope the police/MI5/interpol/CTU fing the culprits and throw away the key. Truly shocking.
My thoughts go out to all the friends and family of said chair. Such a tragic waste of plastic and foam. I hope the police/MI5/interpol/CTU fing the culprits and throw away the key. Truly shocking. Dave Kenyon
  • Score: 2

11:45am Thu 1 Feb 07

Chris Bell says...

I heard the chair was causing problems with posture, I've had a bent back now for 5 years and am glad to hear of these acts of revenge.
I heard the chair was causing problems with posture, I've had a bent back now for 5 years and am glad to hear of these acts of revenge. Chris Bell
  • Score: 0

11:54am Thu 1 Feb 07

Anon says...

I've spent the best years of my life hand crafting chairs for offices. To think that somebody believes their 'bent back' problems were caused by a chair is madness. Mr Bell, may I sugggest a softer mattress and perhaps some anger management classes. Fool.
I've spent the best years of my life hand crafting chairs for offices. To think that somebody believes their 'bent back' problems were caused by a chair is madness. Mr Bell, may I sugggest a softer mattress and perhaps some anger management classes. Fool. Anon
  • Score: 0

11:59am Thu 1 Feb 07

Jack Bauer says...

Sorry I was late - doesn't usually happen but I died again yesterday..
Sorry I was late - doesn't usually happen but I died again yesterday.. Jack Bauer
  • Score: 0

2:02pm Thu 1 Feb 07

Similar! says...

Please see the equally crazy story the other side of the Pennines...
http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/
(Thanks Becky for your inspiration)x
Please see the equally crazy story the other side of the Pennines... [URL=http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/search/display.var.1115631.0.dearing_family_unhappy_with_tesco_after_trolley_damages_car.php]http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/[/URL] (Thanks Becky for your inspiration)x Similar!
  • Score: 0

6:10pm Thu 1 Feb 07

Steve Piers says...

The chair knew the risks. Gang Warfare in Kendal is rife, and when you choose a side, you gotta be down with the risks. This was a declaration of war by the Standard Lamp Posse of Kendal. No-one messes with Lamps, Bo.
The chair knew the risks. Gang Warfare in Kendal is rife, and when you choose a side, you gotta be down with the risks. This was a declaration of war by the Standard Lamp Posse of Kendal. No-one messes with Lamps, Bo. Steve Piers
  • Score: 0

6:14pm Thu 1 Feb 07

Abu Fyed says...

If your government continues to hold our agents of freedom illegally in detention camps, other chairs will meet the same fate as this one.
If your government continues to hold our agents of freedom illegally in detention camps, other chairs will meet the same fate as this one. Abu Fyed
  • Score: 0

8:33pm Thu 1 Feb 07

Derek Bowyer says...

I think it high time the Westmorland Gazette had something newsworthy to print: perhaps a drowned shopping trolley in the Kent or a discarded piece of mint cake found on the cobbled streets of Kendal.
I think it high time the Westmorland Gazette had something newsworthy to print: perhaps a drowned shopping trolley in the Kent or a discarded piece of mint cake found on the cobbled streets of Kendal. Derek Bowyer
  • Score: 0

8:47pm Thu 1 Feb 07

Adam Candle says...

Another tale of moral decline from our already debauched society. Ergonomic disasters of this magnitude were last seen during the fall of Rome.
Another tale of moral decline from our already debauched society. Ergonomic disasters of this magnitude were last seen during the fall of Rome. Adam Candle
  • Score: 0

10:11pm Thu 1 Feb 07

Laurent Blanc says...

These chairs come here from foreign places and think they can take our bottoms. Fully deserved if you ask me.
These chairs come here from foreign places and think they can take our bottoms. Fully deserved if you ask me. Laurent Blanc
  • Score: 0

10:49pm Thu 1 Feb 07

Elton Welsby says...

This story has affected me so much that I decided to compose a poem to vent my anguish..


Chair, Chair - over there?
Chair, Chair - on fire!
Chavs and Younglings everywhere.
His cells have the highest concentration of
midi-chlorians I have seen in a life form
This story has affected me so much that I decided to compose a poem to vent my anguish.. Chair, Chair - over there? Chair, Chair - on fire! Chavs and Younglings everywhere. His cells have the highest concentration of midi-chlorians I have seen in a life form Elton Welsby
  • Score: 0

11:18pm Thu 1 Feb 07

Thom says...

A new form of terrorist strike !
A new form of terrorist strike ! Thom
  • Score: 0

1:03pm Fri 2 Feb 07

The Chairman says...

At least the one hose jet was hosepipe ban friendly.
At least the one hose jet was hosepipe ban friendly. The Chairman
  • Score: 0

2:08pm Fri 2 Feb 07

Mike Glover - Editor/Publisher says...

This has been our most-viewed story for nearly a week now. Three chairs for local news!

Mike Glover
Editor/Publisher
This has been our most-viewed story for nearly a week now. Three chairs for local news! Mike Glover Editor/Publisher Mike Glover - Editor/Publisher
  • Score: 0

3:03pm Fri 2 Feb 07

Nick says...

Living somewhere associated (nominally anyway) with the easy life of sofas and cushions, my heart goes out to this poor, less fortunate sat upon item. Heartless thugs! Have they no chairity? One day, when they are old and bent and in need of a chair, no matter how hard and ugly it may be, they'll look back on this wickedness of theirs and weep.
Living somewhere associated (nominally anyway) with the easy life of sofas and cushions, my heart goes out to this poor, less fortunate sat upon item. Heartless thugs! Have they no chairity? One day, when they are old and bent and in need of a chair, no matter how hard and ugly it may be, they'll look back on this wickedness of theirs and weep. Nick
  • Score: 0

3:34pm Fri 2 Feb 07

Andrew Daniels says...

I'm the journalist "who's got to start somewhere" and as you can see it's turned out to be a very popular story.
It's nice of you all to have taken up so much of your time to comment and it's turned out to be the talk of the newsroom!
If only all my stories generated this much feedback and interest!
I'm the journalist "who's got to start somewhere" and as you can see it's turned out to be a very popular story. It's nice of you all to have taken up so much of your time to comment and it's turned out to be the talk of the newsroom! If only all my stories generated this much feedback and interest! Andrew Daniels
  • Score: 0

3:40pm Fri 2 Feb 07

Ellie Hargreaves says...

I am a colleague of Andrew Daniels, he of the infamous throne story, and I must say I am touched that his account has generated such passion among our readers. To prompt a poem is great. Andrew, you are a worthy muse.
I am a colleague of Andrew Daniels, he of the infamous throne story, and I must say I am touched that his account has generated such passion among our readers. To prompt a poem is great. Andrew, you are a worthy muse. Ellie Hargreaves
  • Score: 0

6:18pm Fri 2 Feb 07

Brian Newbold says...

The relatives of the chair are claiming it was "friendly fire" and are asking the US Air Force to release their cockpit video evidence.
The relatives of the chair are claiming it was "friendly fire" and are asking the US Air Force to release their cockpit video evidence. Brian Newbold
  • Score: 0

6:24pm Fri 2 Feb 07

Brian Newbold says...

The Police went to the scene of the crime? Like my Dad always said, "Don't believe what you read in the newspapers"
The Police went to the scene of the crime? Like my Dad always said, "Don't believe what you read in the newspapers" Brian Newbold
  • Score: 0

6:33pm Fri 2 Feb 07

Arthur Flatcher says...

Couldn't happen in Yorkshire as it would have been nicked while he was looking for the match.
Couldn't happen in Yorkshire as it would have been nicked while he was looking for the match. Arthur Flatcher
  • Score: 0

6:37pm Fri 2 Feb 07

Paul Lavin says...

Surely the bigger story here was the contribution made to global warming? Today a chair burns tomorrow the world!
Surely the bigger story here was the contribution made to global warming? Today a chair burns tomorrow the world! Paul Lavin
  • Score: 0

7:39pm Fri 2 Feb 07

Bobbi says...

Have the police found the identity of the chair-burner as I'd like to get in touch with him/her. There are some chairs in our office that could do with his attention.
Have the police found the identity of the chair-burner as I'd like to get in touch with him/her. There are some chairs in our office that could do with his attention. Bobbi
  • Score: 0

8:33pm Fri 2 Feb 07

Product Recall says...

We’ve been forced into cancelling the field trial of our prototype “Haemorrhoid Relief Chair” due to a batch of faulty heater elements from China. (R.Soul Chairs UK Ltd.)
We’ve been forced into cancelling the field trial of our prototype “Haemorrhoid Relief Chair” due to a batch of faulty heater elements from China. (R.Soul Chairs UK Ltd.) Product Recall
  • Score: 0

4:12pm Sat 3 Feb 07

becky says...

Dear Andrew!! I have sent this link to all my friends who have obviously started to spread the word on it's importance. If you write anymore gripping stories such as this please draw them to our attention. Also, just wondering, but are you actually new and "have to start somewhere"? And did you visit the scene of the 'crime'?? Was the chair horribly mutilated from the fire? Did looking at it make you ill?

Avid fan, Becky
Dear Andrew!! I have sent this link to all my friends who have obviously started to spread the word on it's importance. If you write anymore gripping stories such as this please draw them to our attention. Also, just wondering, but are you actually new and "have to start somewhere"? And did you visit the scene of the 'crime'?? Was the chair horribly mutilated from the fire? Did looking at it make you ill? Avid fan, Becky becky
  • Score: 0

10:25pm Sat 3 Feb 07

Stuart Mackay says...

Was it difficult for the firemen to get to the seat of the blaze?
Was it difficult for the firemen to get to the seat of the blaze? Stuart Mackay
  • Score: 0

12:17pm Sun 4 Feb 07

Bobby Cat says...

I wonder whether it was reclinable. I wonder.
I wonder whether it was reclinable. I wonder. Bobby Cat
  • Score: 0

9:04am Mon 5 Feb 07

chair lover says...

this wicked act of vandalism is awful, i mean there are lots of us who love chairs. i think a vandal should be burnt and see how he likes it. think about it there are people who love chairs that infact do nothing other then sitting in chairs becoming fat and lazy, i stand for these people. people have rights, why don't chairs. don't forget chairs are people too they have feelings.
this wicked act of vandalism is awful, i mean there are lots of us who love chairs. i think a vandal should be burnt and see how he likes it. think about it there are people who love chairs that infact do nothing other then sitting in chairs becoming fat and lazy, i stand for these people. people have rights, why don't chairs. don't forget chairs are people too they have feelings. chair lover
  • Score: 0

9:13am Mon 5 Feb 07

Chairman says...

It was an Electric Chair and came from one of Americas top prisons, so sad it should self combust in Kendal.

Electric chair? That reminds me...
A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.

He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.

"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.

The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the
chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.

"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.

"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you
can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he asked.

Nahh" said the bloke,

"I'm just a really bad conductor"

It was an Electric Chair and came from one of Americas top prisons, so sad it should self combust in Kendal. Electric chair? That reminds me... A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets. He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish. "Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?" The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it. "Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before." The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas. The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go. Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling. "What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark. "I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he asked. Nahh" said the bloke, "I'm just a really bad conductor" Chairman
  • Score: 1

12:27pm Mon 5 Feb 07

Dave Kenyon says...

I would like to advise all of the affected people who have written in so affectionatley, that the funeral for 'Chair' will be held on Sunday 11th Feb at Kendal C.O.E. Church at 1pm. Wake details to follow. Any donations to the press office.
I would like to advise all of the affected people who have written in so affectionatley, that the funeral for 'Chair' will be held on Sunday 11th Feb at Kendal C.O.E. Church at 1pm. Wake details to follow. Any donations to the press office. Dave Kenyon
  • Score: 0

12:55pm Mon 5 Feb 07

Whatever says...

Despite all the jokes and fun everyone is having at the expense of this chair can I ask one important question - Was there a racial element to this unprovoked attack? Did this chair have the right to work in this country or was it an illegal immigrant? I think there needs to be some sort of investigation into the wider implications of this attack.
Despite all the jokes and fun everyone is having at the expense of this chair can I ask one important question - Was there a racial element to this unprovoked attack? Did this chair have the right to work in this country or was it an illegal immigrant? I think there needs to be some sort of investigation into the wider implications of this attack. Whatever
  • Score: 0

1:52pm Mon 5 Feb 07

I'm very worried about Chair's family... says...

Whatever wrote:
Despite all the jokes and fun everyone is having at the expense of this chair can I ask one important question - Was there a racial element to this unprovoked attack? Did this chair have the right to work in this country or was it an illegal immigrant? I think there needs to be some sort of investigation into the wider implications of this attack.


Good point "Whatever". IF the chair was here illegally then he might not have been here alone. He may have bought his Bench and Stools over with him. Who's looking after them now? They might be too scared to come forward.
Whatever wrote: [quote]Despite all the jokes and fun everyone is having at the expense of this chair can I ask one important question - Was there a racial element to this unprovoked attack? Did this chair have the right to work in this country or was it an illegal immigrant? I think there needs to be some sort of investigation into the wider implications of this attack.[/quote] Good point "Whatever". IF the chair was here illegally then he might not have been here alone. He may have bought his [bold]Bench and Stools[/bold] over with him. Who's looking after [bold]them[/bold] now? [bold]They[/bold] might be too scared to come forward. I'm very worried about Chair's family...
  • Score: 0

10:45pm Mon 5 Feb 07

The Man From the Coal Board says...

You lot really do need to get out more
You lot really do need to get out more The Man From the Coal Board
  • Score: 0

12:33am Tue 6 Feb 07

Claus System says...

This would never have happened to a throne or a fancy leather armchair. And they say the class system is dying...
This would never have happened to a throne or a fancy leather armchair. And they say the class system is dying... Claus System
  • Score: 0

12:57pm Tue 6 Feb 07

Legislation required? says...

This type of atrocity has only been able to happen since the "Chair in the Community" legislation was passed in the late 1980s, before that time Chairs would have been cared for indoors, not forced to walk the streets.
This type of atrocity has only been able to happen since the "[italic]Chair[/italic] in the Community" legislation was passed in the late 1980s, before that time Chairs would have been cared for indoors, not forced to walk the streets. Legislation required?
  • Score: 0

5:05pm Tue 6 Feb 07

Andrew Daniels says...

At first glance I thought I had done all that was necessary to cover this story but after all this interest I'm going to see if I can locate the chair and put all this speculation to bed - hopefully if I find the chair it won't make my feel ill.
I did have to start somewhere but something like this is too big a story for a new starter. It takes years of experience to generate so much interest in what at first seemed an innocuous story.
Becky, if you were an avid fan I would have expected you to have read many of my thrilling stories.
Classics include changes to seating arrangements at town council meetings (chairs again!) and the number of hanging baskets to be put up around Windermere.
We've even had a story on broken glass in Kirkby Stephen.
At first glance I thought I had done all that was necessary to cover this story but after all this interest I'm going to see if I can locate the chair and put all this speculation to bed - hopefully if I find the chair it won't make my feel ill. I did have to start somewhere but something like this is too big a story for a new starter. It takes years of experience to generate so much interest in what at first seemed an innocuous story. Becky, if you were an avid fan I would have expected you to have read many of my thrilling stories. Classics include changes to seating arrangements at town council meetings (chairs again!) and the number of hanging baskets to be put up around Windermere. We've even had a story on broken glass in Kirkby Stephen. Andrew Daniels
  • Score: 0

9:50am Wed 7 Feb 07

becky says...

Andrew - I must admit, I was not previously an avid fan, in fact I only noticed this story as I was part of another recent story in this newspaper. However, after this stunning piece of journalism I am of course now an avid fan and will seek out your work in the future.

Broken glass in Kirby Stephen?? What is the world coming to.
Andrew - I must admit, I was not previously an avid fan, in fact I only noticed this story as I was part of another recent story in this newspaper. However, after this stunning piece of journalism I am of course now an avid fan and will seek out your work in the future. Broken glass in Kirby Stephen?? What is the world coming to. becky
  • Score: 0

6:56pm Thu 8 Feb 07

J Wheel says...

I was shocked that the Lake District appears to be experiencing a crime wave of wanton vandalism. My lady wife and I have enjoyed our caravanning visit to the Lakes, but reports like this have really made us wonder whether we should make any future visits. Can't something be done about it?
I was shocked that the Lake District appears to be experiencing a crime wave of wanton vandalism. My lady wife and I have enjoyed our caravanning visit to the Lakes, but reports like this have really made us wonder whether we should make any future visits. Can't something be done about it? J Wheel
  • Score: 0

7:51pm Thu 8 Feb 07

R.Herring says...

Product Recall wrote:
We’ve been forced into cancelling the field trial of our prototype “Haemorrhoid Relief Chair” due to a batch of faulty heater elements from China. (R.Soul Chairs UK Ltd.)
88 Maude St.
Kendal.
To the Development Manager, (R.Soul Chairs UK Ltd.)
Ref your heated chair (model HRC Mk1).

Dear Sir,
your product recall came too late... I’d just got back from Weightwatchers the other Friday afternoon and sat on my new chair to watch Countdown. As the clock ticked down on the first numbers game I noticed that the seat was becoming extremely warm. When the adverts came on I tried to get up to make a brew and there was a bang and a flash and the seat caught fire.
Luckily I managed to put myself out with a 2Ltr. bottle of Diet Coke but was unable to save the chair (I unplugged it and pushed it outside onto a grassy area and sent for ‘t fire brigade!).
Anyway, no worries, the doctor says the burns are only superficial and the bandages will be off by the end of the week.
Is there any chance you could send me some money (say £200) to cover the cost of a replacement chair and a pair of trousers.
yours hopefully,
R.Herring

ps A reporter from the Gazette has been sniffing around, so send the money asap or he gets the full story.. ‘warts and all’.

[quote][bold]Product Recall[/bold] wrote: We’ve been forced into cancelling the field trial of our prototype “Haemorrhoid Relief Chair” due to a batch of faulty heater elements from China. (R.Soul Chairs UK Ltd.) [/quote] 88 Maude St. Kendal. To the Development Manager, (R.Soul Chairs UK Ltd.) Ref your heated chair (model HRC Mk1). Dear Sir, your product recall came too late... I’d just got back from Weightwatchers the other Friday afternoon and sat on my new chair to watch Countdown. As the clock ticked down on the first numbers game I noticed that the seat was becoming extremely warm. When the adverts came on I tried to get up to make a brew and there was a bang and a flash and the seat caught fire. Luckily I managed to put myself out with a 2Ltr. bottle of Diet Coke but was unable to save the chair (I unplugged it and pushed it outside onto a grassy area and sent for ‘t fire brigade!). Anyway, no worries, the doctor says the burns are only superficial and the bandages will be off by the end of the week. Is there any chance you could send me some money (say £200) to cover the cost of a replacement chair and a pair of trousers. yours hopefully, R.Herring ps A reporter from the Gazette has been sniffing around, so send the money asap or he gets the full story.. ‘warts and all’. R.Herring
  • Score: 0

7:55pm Thu 8 Feb 07

Ellis Butcher says...

To be read in the style of Columbo:

"You find me der body dat was sitting in dat chair...you got yourself a moyder!"

Someone start a best headline competition!

Chair-iots of fire
Hot Desking in Kendal
To be read in the style of Columbo: "You find me der body dat was sitting in dat chair...you got yourself a moyder!" Someone start a best headline competition! Chair-iots of fire Hot Desking in Kendal Ellis Butcher
  • Score: 0

7:56pm Thu 8 Feb 07

chippendale says...

fantastic piece of journalism, you must be in the hot seat for the editors job.
fantastic piece of journalism, you must be in the hot seat for the editors job. chippendale
  • Score: 0

8:35pm Thu 8 Feb 07

Henry Snurd says...

Thank you so much for running this story. My family and I cried when we read of the cruel fate of this chair; this has a very special meaning for me. As a child I was abandoned by my biological parents and brought up by a chair very similar to this one. To me it was mother and father combined. Never was there a kindlier and more loving parent than my chair; I remember one freezing winter it pawned its castors to buy me a coat for school.

This fate of this chair is nothing less than murder. Did those animals who took its life realise how its family must be grieving right now?

My many thanks to the people of your area who have provided this poor thing with a decent burial.
Thank you so much for running this story. My family and I cried when we read of the cruel fate of this chair; this has a very special meaning for me. As a child I was abandoned by my biological parents and brought up by a chair very similar to this one. To me it was mother and father combined. Never was there a kindlier and more loving parent than my chair; I remember one freezing winter it pawned its castors to buy me a coat for school. This fate of this chair is nothing less than murder. Did those animals who took its life realise how its family must be grieving right now? My many thanks to the people of your area who have provided this poor thing with a decent burial. Henry Snurd
  • Score: 0

8:49pm Thu 8 Feb 07

Dibble of the Yard says...

I've been tracking this story for some days now. I would like to thank the good people of.... urm.... 'there'... yes, thats it, 'there'... for their efforts in bringing it to my attention.

I have reason to believe that this chair may have been involved in an arm robbery, in fact possibly two arm robberies. Only by the seat of it pants did it escape the last time.... it looks however that we may be too late to apprehend it... as I was looking forward to telling it to swivel when it applied for bail.
I've been tracking this story for some days now. I would like to thank the good people of.... urm.... 'there'... yes, thats it, 'there'... for their efforts in bringing it to my attention. I have reason to believe that this chair may have been involved in an arm robbery, in fact possibly two arm robberies. Only by the seat of it pants did it escape the last time.... it looks however that we may be too late to apprehend it... as I was looking forward to telling it to swivel when it applied for bail. Dibble of the Yard
  • Score: 0

1:15am Fri 9 Feb 07

Gilbert O'Sullivan says...

With apologies to Gilbert O'Sullivan, to the tune of 'Clare'.....

Chair. The moment I met you, I swear.
I felt as if something, somewhere,
had happened to me, which I couldn't see.

And then, the moment I met you, again.
I knew in my heart that we were friends.
It had to be so, it couldn't be no.

But try as hard as I might do, I don't know why.
You get to me in a way I can't describe.

Words mean so little when you look up and smile.
I don't care what people say, to me you're more than a stool.

Oh Chair. Chair ...
With apologies to Gilbert O'Sullivan, to the tune of 'Clare'..... Chair. The moment I met you, I swear. I felt as if something, somewhere, had happened to me, which I couldn't see. And then, the moment I met you, again. I knew in my heart that we were friends. It had to be so, it couldn't be no. But try as hard as I might do, I don't know why. You get to me in a way I can't describe. Words mean so little when you look up and smile. I don't care what people say, to me you're more than a stool. Oh Chair. Chair ... Gilbert O'Sullivan
  • Score: 0

1:49am Fri 9 Feb 07

E.T. says...

What does E.T. stand for?
Because he aint got a chair.

(it was set on fire)
What does E.T. stand for? Because he aint got a chair. (it was set on fire) E.T.
  • Score: 0

7:41am Fri 9 Feb 07

Elizabeth Anderson says...

How far bad news travels...we in Australia salute you chair, we are all "bush" fired up and burning mad that this type of thing happens to our four legged friend.
How far bad news travels...we in Australia salute you chair, we are all "bush" fired up and burning mad that this type of thing happens to our four legged friend. Elizabeth Anderson
  • Score: 0

10:05am Fri 9 Feb 07

Becca says...

Well thank goodness for this website! Being away from Kendal always makes me worry about the news I might be missing out on... ooh I may have to get in my car and drive home to visit the scene of the crime. Or not
Well thank goodness for this website! Being away from Kendal always makes me worry about the news I might be missing out on... ooh I may have to get in my car and drive home to visit the scene of the crime. Or not Becca
  • Score: 0

10:47am Fri 9 Feb 07

Popular Futon Front says...

We, the Popular Futon Front are contacting you to claim responsibility for the murder of the chair in Kendal on Friday, January 26

We did tip off the police prior to the horrific murder to let them know of our vicious intentions, but alas they did not take our warning seriously

The chair squealed like a pig

We will shortly be posting the stomach-turning video on the internet, most likely You Tube, and set it to music (probably Fire Starter by The Prodigy)

More will follow in numerous locations across South Lakeland unless our primary demand is accepted

We want chairs to be replaced by futons in all offices across the South Lakeland

We believe that futons offer a more relaxing alternative to chairs

Futons are much more versatile than these rigid creations and give people the option to sit, slouch or sleep

We also think that futons play an important role in keeping the Swedish furniture economy alive

For too long our foam packed foes have dominated the office seating market

Today Kendal, tomorrow the world!
We, the Popular Futon Front are contacting you to claim responsibility for the murder of the chair in Kendal on Friday, January 26 We did tip off the police prior to the horrific murder to let them know of our vicious intentions, but alas they did not take our warning seriously The chair squealed like a pig We will shortly be posting the stomach-turning video on the internet, most likely You Tube, and set it to music (probably Fire Starter by The Prodigy) More will follow in numerous locations across South Lakeland unless our primary demand is accepted We want chairs to be replaced by futons in all offices across the South Lakeland We believe that futons offer a more relaxing alternative to chairs Futons are much more versatile than these rigid creations and give people the option to sit, slouch or sleep We also think that futons play an important role in keeping the Swedish furniture economy alive For too long our foam packed foes have dominated the office seating market Today Kendal, tomorrow the world! Popular Futon Front
  • Score: 0

12:00pm Fri 9 Feb 07

RSPCTC says...

A chair is for life...not just for Bombie night.
On behalf of the Royal Society for Prevention of Cruelty To Chairs
A chair is for life...not just for Bombie night. On behalf of the Royal Society for Prevention of Cruelty To Chairs RSPCTC
  • Score: 0

12:52pm Fri 9 Feb 07

J Wheel says...

http://poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4572

The mists of an earlier time, of myth and saga
Swirl down from Cunswick Scar to Helsfell
The dull gleam of helmet and tempered metal
Just a fleeting glimpse, a feeling, a shudder.

They found you, between this life and the next
One hose was all that was needed
To extinguish the flame of your pyre
A vehicle once forgotten, now misunderstood.

The police did what they could
But no foul murderer should they have sought.
For you, a true hero of the office
Left, as you had lived, a Viking true
http://poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4572 The mists of an earlier time, of myth and saga Swirl down from Cunswick Scar to Helsfell The dull gleam of helmet and tempered metal Just a fleeting glimpse, a feeling, a shudder. They found you, between this life and the next One hose was all that was needed To extinguish the flame of your pyre A vehicle once forgotten, now misunderstood. The police did what they could But no foul murderer should they have sought. For you, a true hero of the office Left, as you had lived, a Viking true J Wheel
  • Score: 0

2:41pm Fri 9 Feb 07

Crime Solved! says...

Evening all!
I think Mr. Maarten Baas is the culprit.
We will be taking him into custard soon! See below for "details of the case for the prosecution"

http://www.icon-magazine.co.uk/issues/020/baas_text.htm

Another crime solved by me, Inspector Corner (of the yard)
Evening all! I think Mr. Maarten Baas is the culprit. We will be taking him into [bold]custard[/bold] soon! See below for "details of the case for the prosecution" http://www.icon-magazine.co.uk/issues/020/baas_text.htm Another crime solved by me, Inspector Corner (of the yard) Crime Solved!
  • Score: 0

5:54pm Fri 9 Feb 07

Jimbo says...

HEADLINE ---Ousted Chair of Lake District National Park Authority Commits Hari-Kari by self-immolation
HEADLINE ---Ousted Chair of Lake District National Park Authority Commits Hari-Kari by self-immolation Jimbo
  • Score: 0

3:42pm Sat 10 Feb 07

babara-ann says...

that chair was my beloved i cannot believe that someone would do such a terrible act towards my dearly beloved office chair. its too much for me to take
that chair was my beloved i cannot believe that someone would do such a terrible act towards my dearly beloved office chair. its too much for me to take babara-ann
  • Score: 0

3:47pm Sat 10 Feb 07

Ross says...

babara-ann wrote:
that chair was my beloved i cannot believe that someone would do such a terrible act towards my dearly beloved office chair. its too much for me to take
i think babara-ann sounds suicidal. somebody help him before he is lot as well as his chair. well they would be together again. that could be some comfort...
[quote][bold]babara-ann[/bold] wrote: that chair was my beloved i cannot believe that someone would do such a terrible act towards my dearly beloved office chair. its too much for me to take [/quote] i think babara-ann sounds suicidal. somebody help him before he is lot as well as his chair. well they would be together again. that could be some comfort... Ross
  • Score: 0

3:53pm Sat 10 Feb 07

freddo says...

sum1 tell the goverment we need a new office chair here sum1s going to kill themselve bcoz sum chav set his chair on fire
sum1 tell the goverment we need a new office chair here sum1s going to kill themselve bcoz sum chav set his chair on fire freddo
  • Score: 0

8:08pm Sat 10 Feb 07

the vicious vandal says...

it was nice for them to blame a delinquent and not me
it was nice for them to blame a delinquent and not me the vicious vandal
  • Score: 0

6:03pm Sun 11 Feb 07

Judge Eggnog Satintrousers says...

My crow stated yesterday that the chair actually set itself on fire as it was a self reclining Harm Chair. The Chav mearly supplied the petrol and lighter. Thus the sentencing from my point of view is distant as the mist has set in. Bobbins
My crow stated yesterday that the chair actually set itself on fire as it was a self reclining Harm Chair. The Chav mearly supplied the petrol and lighter. Thus the sentencing from my point of view is distant as the mist has set in. Bobbins Judge Eggnog Satintrousers
  • Score: 0

9:28am Mon 12 Feb 07

Lensman says...

Never mind... it' s better than 'Street Lamp goes out in Dukinfield' which once appeared in my old paper in Manchester or even 'Toast fire' where firefighters were called to a minor grill pan fire in Ashton under Lyne. Best of all was the story of a broken down helicopter waiting for repairs which carried the headline ' Giant chopper stays the night in Audenshaw" !
Never mind... it' s better than 'Street Lamp goes out in Dukinfield' which once appeared in my old paper in Manchester or even 'Toast fire' where firefighters were called to a minor grill pan fire in Ashton under Lyne. Best of all was the story of a broken down helicopter waiting for repairs which carried the headline ' Giant chopper stays the night in Audenshaw" ! Lensman
  • Score: 0

2:37pm Mon 12 Feb 07

Prenderghast Snoopswigger III says...

This is a terrible tragedy. I have no idea where "Westmorland" is, but rest assured I shall no longer be letting any of my chairs visit that lawless expanse.
This is a terrible tragedy. I have no idea where "Westmorland" is, but rest assured I shall no longer be letting any of my chairs visit that lawless expanse. Prenderghast Snoopswigger III
  • Score: 0

11:22am Tue 13 Feb 07

Shaun Hunter says...

I have to say not much has changed in the 17 years since i left. People still set chairs on fire and it still gets in the news. It makes a change from "A bull escaped form market on Monday" though.
I have to say not much has changed in the 17 years since i left. People still set chairs on fire and it still gets in the news. It makes a change from "A bull escaped form market on Monday" though. Shaun Hunter
  • Score: 0

11:44am Tue 13 Feb 07

Jon Smith says...

As Andrew Daniels' tutor during his preparation for journalism exams, I am proud to see that he has fully absorbed all we had to teach him about news values. A lesson to us all.
As Andrew Daniels' tutor during his preparation for journalism exams, I am proud to see that he has fully absorbed all we had to teach him about news values. A lesson to us all. Jon Smith
  • Score: 0

5:15pm Tue 13 Feb 07

The chair says...

i bet the vandle wont know what i have been going through since the attack. i wasnt doing anthing wrong. i was an old office chair waiting to go into my retirment home (also known at the dump) and the horrable vandle attacked me. it was so painful. but now i am in a better place. nothing can heart me now... i hope. i can only hope that the vandle gets what he deserves
i bet the vandle wont know what i have been going through since the attack. i wasnt doing anthing wrong. i was an old office chair waiting to go into my retirment home (also known at the dump) and the horrable vandle attacked me. it was so painful. but now i am in a better place. nothing can heart me now... i hope. i can only hope that the vandle gets what he deserves The chair
  • Score: 0

5:58pm Tue 13 Feb 07

a devistated chair lover says...

my sympathys go out to the family of the chair. the story has devistated me so much i will have to cry myself to sleep tonight. the vandles that did this act are the future. the country will be ruined.
my sympathys go out to the family of the chair. the story has devistated me so much i will have to cry myself to sleep tonight. the vandles that did this act are the future. the country will be ruined. a devistated chair lover
  • Score: 0

10:51pm Tue 13 Feb 07

D Ryder says...

Yes, just one amongst a number of recent chair crimes. They do seems to be on the increase.
In Liverpool recently a secretary left her chair unattended for a matter of minutes, on returning she found the casters had been removed and replaced by four bricks.




Yes, just one amongst a number of recent chair crimes. They do seems to be on the increase. In Liverpool recently a secretary left her chair unattended for a matter of minutes, on returning she found the casters had been removed and replaced by four bricks. D Ryder
  • Score: 0

11:15pm Tue 13 Feb 07

Sceptic says...

Sounds like an insurance job to me.
Much more of this and chairs will fall outside the home contents bracket.
Sounds like an insurance job to me. Much more of this and chairs will fall outside the home contents bracket. Sceptic
  • Score: 0

9:26am Wed 14 Feb 07

Westmorland Gazette Administration says...

The comments facility on this story has been suspended because of misuse of the comments section.
The comments facility on this story has been suspended because of misuse of the comments section. Westmorland Gazette Administration
  • Score: 0

12:44pm Wed 14 Feb 07

toby says...

A truly shocking tale is there a charity single out soon sung by d rate celebs to raise money?
A truly shocking tale is there a charity single out soon sung by d rate celebs to raise money? toby
  • Score: 0

1:44pm Wed 14 Feb 07

becky says...

Suspended? I don't think so!

Anyway why would the Westmorland Gazette want to shut down the comments on this - surely the website is getting more hits than ever...

I've got an idea for a story - Andrew pay attention...

"Story about chair on fire sparks national interest" - surely a story about lots of strange people getting together online is better than the orginal?? (no offence to the chair) - I would be happy to do an interview... :) maybe a nice picture of our hero andrew too??

becky
Suspended? I don't think so! Anyway why would the Westmorland Gazette want to shut down the comments on this - surely the website is getting more hits than ever... I've got an idea for a story - Andrew pay attention... "Story about chair on fire sparks national interest" - surely a story about lots of strange people getting together online is better than the orginal?? (no offence to the chair) - I would be happy to do an interview... :) maybe a nice picture of our hero andrew too?? becky becky
  • Score: 0

10:16pm Thu 11 Sep 08

JillyBee says...

Wish Andrew Duncan worked for the Daily Echo here in Southampton - the software's exactly the same, but nothing else is! Come to that, the quality of comment on this site beats the average Daily Echo slanging match: I think it's time to move to Westmorland!
Wish Andrew Duncan worked for the Daily Echo here in Southampton - the software's exactly the same, but nothing else is! Come to that, the quality of comment on this site beats the average Daily Echo slanging match: I think it's time to move to Westmorland! JillyBee
  • Score: 0

7:51pm Mon 15 Mar 10

Pete W. says...

Did they ever get to the bottom of this chair story? Or are these delinquents still at large... I've been reading reports of fires in sheds and Conservative HQs in Kendal recently!
Did they ever get to the bottom of this chair story? Or are these delinquents still at large... I've been reading reports of fires in sheds and Conservative HQs in Kendal recently! Pete W.
  • Score: 0

4:29pm Tue 17 Aug 10

Pig Traverse says...

Nice to see a story which will pull the punters in. Arson chairs, or bums on seats, it's all the same.
Nice to see a story which will pull the punters in. Arson chairs, or bums on seats, it's all the same. Pig Traverse
  • Score: 0

5:25pm Tue 17 Aug 10

Keith Olbermann says...

...and here is my special comment for the week.

Today the world was saddened by the tragic news of the heartless and needless murder of the highly respected Mr. Office Chair, who lived in Westmorland, Scotland.

To the vicious murderer I say this... You, sir, have committed a grave mistake, and one that will not be forgotten easily... You, SIR, have stolen from the good people of Scotland, France, one of the comfiest office chairs this world has ever seen... YOU, SIIIIIR! May think you have gotten away with it but let me make it plain to you, SIIIIIR!!!. We will no stop. We will not waiver from our duties. We will leave no stone unturned until we have brought YOU, SIIIIIR! TO JUSTICE, SIIIIIIIIIR!!!!

And that was my special comment for Tuesday seventeen, August two thousand ten.
...and here is my special comment for the week. Today the world was saddened by the tragic news of the heartless and needless murder of the highly respected Mr. Office Chair, who lived in Westmorland, Scotland. To the vicious murderer I say this... You, sir, have committed a grave mistake, and one that will not be forgotten easily... You, SIR, have stolen from the good people of Scotland, France, one of the comfiest office chairs this world has ever seen... YOU, SIIIIIR! May think you have gotten away with it but let me make it plain to you, SIIIIIR!!!. We will no stop. We will not waiver from our duties. We will leave no stone unturned until we have brought YOU, SIIIIIR! TO JUSTICE, SIIIIIIIIIR!!!! And that was my special comment for Tuesday seventeen, August two thousand ten. Keith Olbermann
  • Score: 0

10:04am Wed 18 Aug 10

Ado 16 says...

Please help chairs and other's like it - Operators are standing by to take your calls now.
Please help chairs and other's like it - Operators are standing by to take your calls now. Ado 16
  • Score: 0

10:53am Wed 6 Apr 11

TwoHat says...

Does anyone know if the purple-traitors of this heinious crime have been misapprehended and broughten to justice yet?
I suppose with the vicious government spending cuts there will be fewer bums on seats in future, ergo more seats to burn - can we expect to see more distressing incidents of this type?
Does anyone know if the purple-traitors of this heinious crime have been misapprehended and broughten to justice yet? I suppose with the vicious government spending cuts there will be fewer bums on seats in future, ergo more seats to burn - can we expect to see more distressing incidents of this type? TwoHat
  • Score: 0

4:47pm Fri 14 Oct 11

Village Chief says...

The unfortunate fate of this innocent chair reached the African shores via Her Majesty's steam ship HMS Norfolk, operated by Elder Demster Lines. We in African condemn in very strong terms this unprovoked attach against a harmful and law-abiding chair. Since this innocent chair may likely have been of African descent, we propose that this crime be made an agenda item at the next UN General Assembly. We also demand that the remains of the chair be returned to us for a proper burial ritual.
The unfortunate fate of this innocent chair reached the African shores via Her Majesty's steam ship HMS Norfolk, operated by Elder Demster Lines. We in African condemn in very strong terms this unprovoked attach against a harmful and law-abiding chair. Since this innocent chair may likely have been of African descent, we propose that this crime be made an agenda item at the next UN General Assembly. We also demand that the remains of the chair be returned to us for a proper burial ritual. Village Chief
  • Score: 0

9:37am Sat 15 Oct 11

Hugh Jaynus says...

well, it seems the Riots have finally reached Cumbria :P
well, it seems the Riots have finally reached Cumbria :P Hugh Jaynus
  • Score: 0

6:01pm Sat 15 Oct 11

TwoHat says...

Hugh Jaynus wrote:
well, it seems the Riots have finally reached Cumbria :P
Er - this was January 2007 - it seems we had the riots before everyone else :P

Nice to be at the forefront with something . . .
[quote][p][bold]Hugh Jaynus[/bold] wrote: well, it seems the Riots have finally reached Cumbria :P[/p][/quote]Er - this was January 2007 - it seems we had the riots before everyone else :P Nice to be at the forefront with something . . . TwoHat
  • Score: 0

8:29am Tue 18 Oct 11

motherof2 says...

over 4 years later and this story is still going strong!
over 4 years later and this story is still going strong! motherof2
  • Score: 0

3:05pm Wed 19 Oct 11

nixon1 says...

i truly feel for the previous owner of the chair in mention. still being reminded of this story 4 years on. no one ever thinks of the victims of such a heinous crime.
i truly feel for the previous owner of the chair in mention. still being reminded of this story 4 years on. no one ever thinks of the victims of such a heinous crime. nixon1
  • Score: 0

5:51pm Wed 19 Oct 11

Moonbase says...

Perhaps it was a stannah with an electrical fault,trying to make it's self up windermere road.
I know sometimes when i walk up there i feel like self inploading.
Just a thought.
Poor chair........R.I.P
Perhaps it was a stannah with an electrical fault,trying to make it's self up windermere road. I know sometimes when i walk up there i feel like self inploading. Just a thought. Poor chair........R.I.P Moonbase
  • Score: 0

9:21am Sun 10 Jun 12

lakesailor says...

It may be gone, but it's not forgotten.
It may be gone, but it's not forgotten. lakesailor
  • Score: 0

2:05pm Tue 12 Jun 12

nixon1 says...

Must be another quiet week for the WG if this is rearing it's ugly head again.
Must be another quiet week for the WG if this is rearing it's ugly head again. nixon1
  • Score: 0

4:00pm Wed 6 Feb 13

Outraged bystander says...

I believe in the years since this story was written a thorough examination needs to take place into the journalistic methods used to obtain this information. Was the chair's phone tapped? Was the picture an intrusion of the chair's privacy in distressing circumstances? Leverson needs to be recalled immediately so these pressing questions can be examined.
I believe in the years since this story was written a thorough examination needs to take place into the journalistic methods used to obtain this information. Was the chair's phone tapped? Was the picture an intrusion of the chair's privacy in distressing circumstances? Leverson needs to be recalled immediately so these pressing questions can be examined. Outraged bystander
  • Score: 0

4:36pm Tue 4 Jun 13

TwoHat says...

As of today (4th June 2013) this is the most shared story on the Westmorland Gazette website! I think its probably one of the most successful pieces of (loose) coverage the Gazette has ever undertaken.
As of today (4th June 2013) this is the most shared story on the Westmorland Gazette website! I think its probably one of the most successful pieces of (loose) coverage the Gazette has ever undertaken. TwoHat
  • Score: 1

4:47pm Fri 7 Jun 13

life cycle too says...

nixon1 wrote:
Must be another quiet week for the WG if this is rearing it's ugly head again.
19th in the list in June - again!

Groundhog day?
[quote][p][bold]nixon1[/bold] wrote: Must be another quiet week for the WG if this is rearing it's ugly head again.[/p][/quote]19th in the list in June - again! Groundhog day? life cycle too
  • Score: 1

2:31pm Tue 31 Dec 13

tuga254 says...

Has anyone been brought to justice yet? I think Crime Watch needs to be brought in to solve this murder nationaly
Has anyone been brought to justice yet? I think Crime Watch needs to be brought in to solve this murder nationaly tuga254
  • Score: 1
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