THE house is quiet because The Fiance has gone away with work.
The sound of silence (specifically, the sound of no football, Formula One or snoring) has been a revelation.
“This is what other peoples’ houses are like,” I tell the cat, joyously.
She lazily opens eye and then goes back to sleep.
“I know how you feel!” I laugh, a little bit hysterically.
“I might sleep too – just because I can! Because it’s so quiet!”
He’s been gone less than 12 hours and already I’ve recorded over the football and discovered just how much of the bed I can take up if I really spread out.
I’ve played Rihanna at top volume and sung along to every word - and haven’t had a single ‘turn that rubbish off’ or ‘please, you’re hurting my ears’.
He’s gone on a ‘serious work trip'. But I can’t take it seriously because he’s gone to Disneyland.
“Are you really going to do any work?” I asked before he went. “Or will you just eat burgers and candy floss and ride on Space Mountain until you throw up?”
“I won’t just be having fun,” he tells me, his self-righteous voice creeping into the conversation. “I have to go to a business lecture while I’m there, you know.”
I try to keep a straight face: “Is it still classed as a lecture if you’re not talking about work and you’re on a rollercoaster at the time?”
He’s a teacher, you see, and the point of the trip is for him to ensure 30 youngsters understand the ways of a successful company.
I got a text a few hours after he left: “I’ve not slept. The students are being very loud. It might be a long few days."
I sniggered before composing a suitably sympathetic response.
Then I switched off my phone and begin an hour of doing absolutely nothing – with not a single ‘vroooom’ in earshot. Bliss!