Attack of the wedding guestzillas!

First published in Opinion The Westmorland Gazette: Photograph of the Author by , Reporter

THIS weekend my sister got engaged and I had only one piece of advice to impart: RUN LIKE THE WIND!

“Seriously,” I hissed, as soon as I had her on her own. “Run as fast as you can and don’t stop until you’ve reached the registry office!”

But like all newly-engaged women - fresh-faced and naive - she laughed.

“Oh I’m sure planning a wedding isn’t that bad!” she said. “In fact we’re quite looking forward to it!”

But she has no idea what’s coming.

It isn’t the stress of planning a wedding, nor is it the pressure of co-ordinating ‘a perfect day’ that all your friends and family will love.

It’s the fact that nobody will let you do it in peace.

People think it’s appropriate to say things like: “Have you thought about having doves released after the ceremony? Because if not I think you should.

"Everyone has doves released. Everyone! Well everyone who has taste, obviously.

"And if you don’t it’s a bad omen for the marriage, you won’t be happy, your first born will grow a beak and feathers because the dove god will be angry with you and you’ll be divorced within a year.

"People will talk forever about how awful your wedding was because you didn’t do this one simple thing.”

I was told about the dangers of becoming a Bridezilla - but nobody warned me about Guestzilla.

This is the person who reduces a perfect, lovely wedding to: ‘I think it’s alright, but...”

The Fiance and I have become wedding ninjas, fighting off unhelpful suggestions with cunning and stealth (or ‘tact’ as some like to call it).

We’ve realised we work well together because we’ve been forced to team up just to stay sane.

But despite this I’m still excited about the Big Day, which is now just six weeks away.

Then, married and in the clear, all I can do is be there for my sister when her very own Guestzillas begin to strike.

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