I WISH to use this last column before Christmas to dissect the concept of the song, I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day, but in the style of a lecturer.

First, merely because the artist desires it to be Christmas Every Day does not necessarily make it more statistically probable; irrespective of how many times the performer petitions us.

More importantly, we have to define whether Wizzard here mean Christmas as a ‘season’ or Christmas Day every day occurring for 365 days?

If we examine the latter, only a small section of the population would have the financial resources to replicate such a state of affairs. The resultant effect could be that Christmas, as a mass event, would be seriously eroded.

Widespread communal participation is the single largest factor in the ongoing observance of the tradition; so implementing the approach advocated here, would undoubtedly put the event’s future in serious jeopardy.

Christmas every day would also require the advanced procurement of an unsustainable amount of gifts and perishable foodstuffs. In this case turkeys; which are large, unwieldy and difficult to bulk-store.

Reference is also made throughout the song to: “When we’re skating in the park, if the storm cloud paints it dark, then your rosy cheeks gonna light my merry way.”

Our tests found that any suggested sense of ‘glow’ projected by capillary blood vessels in cold skin would, in fact, be vastly inferior to the required wattage needed to visibly illuminate a footway.

Reference is repeatedly made to the snowman ‘bringing the snow’. Snowmen are actually a by-product of snow, rather than the bringer of it, which shows a basic misunderstanding of metereological phenomenon.

We also challenge the notion ‘When Santa brings that sleigh, all along the Milky Way’.

Given that Santa is required to deliver to a global population of 7 billion during a single 24-hour period we would not recommend that this is diverted by transgalactic spaceflight. In conclusion, traditional, reindeer-powered sleigh would also disintegrate on re-entry into the earth’s atmosphere.